Friday, August 28, 2009

"I plead guilty"

A quote from C.S. Lewis and his book Letters to Malcom Chiefly on Prayer.
The quote goes on to say:
"When I was writing about pleasures last week I had quite forgotten about the mala mentis gaudia--the pleasures of the mind which are intrinsically evil.
The pleasure, say, of having a grievance. What a disappointment it is--for one self-revealing moment--to discover that the other party was not really to blame? And how a resentment, while it lasts, draws one back and back to nurse and fondle and encourage it! It behaves just like a lust."

As I sit having my breakfast I am reading these words over and over again drinking in the message.
I don't know if you are like me (heaven forbid there be another) and during the course of reading something that strikes a nerve, immediately a picture, someones face appears as if magically before you albeit inside your head and it is here you stop and apply what you have just read.
"Ah, you might say. "This is the fellows problem."
This has happened to me numerous times but it does run the risk of pointing fingers and like my father has often quoted, "when you are pointing a finger, look at the remaining pointing at you". I believe this leaves three fingers in my general direction and it is here that I stop and recognize those appendages directed my way.
A grievance if not dealt with swiftly can take root and growing very quickly will develope into something greater, that being bitterness.
"Oh", you might say. "I do not have that problem."
Herein lies the similarities between us regardless of genetics.
When you get right down to it, we are all made of the same stuff.
But I am once again speaking for myself, this is my lesson and I will leave you to learn your own as we all must.
It is a curse of sorts. Imagination can be a good thing when you are dreaming up tales to deliver a children's story but left alone with the volatile emotions and it cooks up something like a witches brew. Deep, dark and smoky. The darkness seeks to obscure the light, casting shadows, and the smoke blinds the eyes to tears.
I guess you can see my imagination has been at work over these last few lines.
Smoke aside, the tears did fall.
They come however at the personal recognition of a wrong doing. Darkness has no power over the light and when the light illuminates bringing before me the sin, yes the very sin I have held onto with "pleasure", I must repent. And, because the attacker I face will try to stake his claim once again, I will confess once more. Such is the battle we wage. This is the first step to healing.
While I do not believe that I have a body double I do believe that I am not alone in this spiritual dept.
My prayer for you, for anyone is that you will not hang on to this any longer but open that pointing hand, relinquish what you have been grasping and instead clasp your hands together in prayer.

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