Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hit the stop button

This morning I woke up just after 6:00 am.
I also woke up wanting to give Neil a smack upside his head.
Later in the morning, when I have reviewed my thoughts on the subject, I want to laugh.
As I analyze my thoughts I conclude that yesterday was an emotionally charged kinda day and the end result carried itself deep into my sleep and in this case my dreams.
I won't disclose the content of the dream sufficient to say, I woke up in a slightly foul mood and wanted to take it out on my poor sleeping husband.
Going back to yesterday.
I was explaining to a friend that this whole adoption business has got me thinking.
Things that I perhaps took for granted or didn't even pass any time thinking about now have my attention.
I watch people in a whole different light so to speak.
I have become increasingly curious about the interaction between people, namely children and parents.
As I told my friend, I watch and often with amusement the social dynamics within the relationship, looking forward to the outcome as events unfold.
Discipline is always an interesting subject.
For instance.
One of my sister-in-laws never liked "the family" to use the word "No" around her children. It represented negativity or something stupid like that.
Instead, she wanted us to use the alternate word, "na".
Thank goodness the child grew up with a clearer understanding of the word although, now as an adult I would suspect that knowing either word has succeeded in limiting her from doing what she wants.
My emotional buzz from yesterday came while I was driving past a school yard.
It felt like someone had hit a fast forward button in my head and as a result my thoughts literally took off into high gear.
Thoughts that escalated into near panic as one thought led to another and to another building up inside my head, no where to go.
Thoughts about schooling, friendships, learning and teenage years.
No heart palpitations although one might think it should go with.
Maybe a slight headache after but no long term physical effects unless you take into account that I almost sucker punched my sleeping husband.
Imagine the look on his face had that actually happened.
But today I am better, calmer.
A lot of things can be blamed on hormones, so I tell myself.

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